No matter how long you’ve been married, the thought has probably crossed your mind: how could you possibly keep your husband attracted to you…forever?
Before I became a mom, I wasn’t so worried about it. I was young, my stomach was firm, and I wore makeup and fixed my hair every day. I bartended throughout college and for a few years afterwards, so I had men telling me all the time how attractive I was. (Not to sound conceited…being hit on is pretty much part of the job description.) But the point is, I felt good about myself because I took care with my appearance. That was very important to me at the time, and I thought that was what mattered the most to my husband.
After I became a mom, and especially after I became a stay at home mom, I lost a little bit of that confidence. I almost never had the time (or energy) anymore to bother with straightening my hair or putting on makeup. Some days I never even changed out of my pajamas. On those days, I definitely didn’t feel attractive.
I wondered if my husband secretly felt bamboozled. He had married this young, skinny, tan, and energetic girl. Now here I was, an exhausted, stressed-out, greasy-haired, frumpy t-shirt-wearing old lady. (At least that’s how I felt more often than not.) How could he possibly be attracted to me when I looked like a hot mess and crashed on the couch most nights as soon as the girls were in bed.
His automatic response was a typical guy answer: “your butt!”
But then he got serious and explained that he loves how we laugh together. That we have a chemistry and we make a great team in life. That he knows we can do anything together.
I think I had been missing the mark this whole time. My husband didn’t marry me for my butt. There are lots of women out there with even nicer behinds, but he didn’t ask them to be his wife. Of course physical connection counts, but there is so much more to attraction than just looks.
Think about it: does your husband still look the same as when you first started dating? Does it really matter? I know that when I see my husband look at his little girls and his eyes light up with adoration, I couldn’t love him any more than I do in that moment. I could care less if he’s wearing old sweatpants, or if he hasn’t shaved since yesterday, or if he smells like sweaty shoes after playing basketball with the guys.
Instead of focusing on what we think is “wrong” with us, or areas where we feel we’ve “let go” (hello, make-up!), we should be focusing on what we’re doing right, and what your spouse is doing right too. Nurturing the bond and the chemistry that brought you together in the first place will make your marriage stronger and give you the confidence that YOU are the one woman he needs. And confidence is sexy!
An Easy Way to Strengthen Your Marriage:
Even though I write for a living, I’m not always the best with words “in real life” and telling my husband just how much he means to me. I assume he knows, but we ALL need to hear it sometimes! If you’re like me, I urge you to take the 30 Day Love Challenge from The Dating Divas (an awesome relationship resource!)
The 30 Day Love Challenge is a downloadable printable pack which will give you fun, creative, and meaningful ways to show the man in your life just how much he means to you — every single day! It’s less than $3 and worth every penny!
Looking for more love and marriage advice? Click here for all of my posts on the subject!
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