Laying with Your Kids at Night is Not a Bad Habit
When your kids asks “Mommy, will you lay with me?” OR “Can I have one more hug?” Forget what the experts say! Laying with your kids is NOT a bad habit!
“Mommy, will you lay with me?”
The same routine happens often in our house. Does it happen in yours too?
“Mommy, can I have another hug?”
Me: “One more, and then it’s time to go to sleep.”
“Mommy, will you read me another story?”
Me: “We already read a story, Mommy needs to tidy up the house and get ready for bed too.”
“Mommy, will you lay with me? Just for a little bit?”
And many nights that’s how it goes. My husband and I try to get the girls into bed as quickly as possible so we can finish up our chores before calling it a night ourselves.
It’s easy to think that we’re so busy, we can’t take that time to lay with our kids for a few minutes. Or perhaps you’ve heard those who claim that laying with kids at bedtime is a bad habit.
But maybe – like me – there is a little voice in the back of your head that whispers:
You’ll never get this moment back.
That voice is persistent. And it speaks the truth.
I’m guilty of it as much as the next parent. And I get it — we’re busy. There’s always something else waiting for us; another task that needs our attention. We’re never “caught up” and bedtime is when we try to get it done.
Many nights I try to squash that voice. I try not to hear it’s urgent reminder. I’m tired too. I’m ready to go to bed. I have so much to do.
But one night I gave in.
I tiptoed back into the bedroom, and saw my youngest daughter breathing deeply, eyes closed. She was already asleep.
But she almost immediately sensed me there, and a smile spread across her lips.
“Mommy,” she whispered. “Can I have one more hug?”
“Of course,” I said as I crawled into bed next to her.
She sighed a happy sigh and almost immediately went back to sleep. My heart melted into a puddle deep in my chest. It was a moment I wanted to soak in forever.
And I’d almost missed it.
In that instant, I vowed that I would never take those moments for granted again.
I promised that I would remember what a blessing it is to be able lay with my kids at bedtime. To have those special moments with them. To hear their thoughts, their prayers, their hopes, and even their silly ramblings when they’re tired.
I realized that it blesses me almost as much as it does them.
- Related: When your child wants to fall asleep – but can’t – it might be something different. Click here to read more about sleep anxiety in children and how to help your kids fall asleep faster.
Laying with Your Kids at Night is NOT a Bad Habit
Forget what the “experts” say!!
If your kid wants to snuggle with you while they fall asleep, who is anyone else to tell you it’s a “bad habit?!”
Being able to spend those extra special minutes together at the end of the day is a blessing. And a blessing not to be wasted.
Because one day they’ll stop asking.
It might not be tomorrow. It might not be a year from now. But the day will come when our children won’t ask for that extra hug. They won’t need one more story to send them off to peaceful sleep.
And I can feel it now — all those moments that we take for granted, we’ll wish we could gather them up and cash them in later.
But we can’t.
So instead, we need to cash them in now.
What is More Important?
The dishes can wait.
And the laundry.
And the bills.
Don’t worry — they’ll all still be here twenty years down the road.
But not the little three year old who simply wants more than one more story, and one more cuddle.
That little three year old is going to grow up, and it’s going to happen fast.
One More Hug Won’t Hurt
Our kids WILL learn to fall asleep on their own. Perhaps they already do most nights. I mean, they’re not going to be 18 and begging you to read them a story before bed. (And if they did, it would probably make your day at that point!)
So for now, while they’re still young, while they still NEED us, why not say YES and enjoy these special moments?
Why not let your child’s last memory of the day be a special snuggle with mom or dad?
We don’t skip goodnight hugs. (In fact, I sometimes worry “did I hug them enough?”)
We don’t skip nighttime prayers.
Even if I’m tired and done with the day, I make sure to take just a few moments to just BE with the girls. It’s so easy when you think about it.
There are one thousand four hundred and forty minutes in a day. All your kids are asking for is a few of them.
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Thank you ❤️ This is so incredibly true.
I still have a 9 year old daughter at home, but 5 adult children… and I must say that you are so dead on… they truly grow up in a blink of an eye.
I am not sure if we realize just how fast the hand of time goes when we are young mommas of small children….but oh how the time flies by as we are worried about everything else around us.
Thank you for sharing. And, enjoy those snuggles…. I still am❤️???
~Christina
Yes!! It is crazy how fast time goes by! When I originally wrote this post, my youngest daughter was 3. Now she’s 5 and we have another baby! And they ALL still want snuggles 🙂
English Geek: It’s “Lying with kids at bedtime,” or “Lie with your child before bed” etc.
We “lay” *things down, as in “He is laying down carpet,” but I agree with the sentiment 🙂
TBH – I mix those up all the time! I didn’t even realize until after I hit publish…but you’re right…the sentiment is the same 😉
Yep, I came to say the same thing. But, I kind of feel bad to point out grammatical errors on such a true and sweet post.
Thank you 😉 Trust me, I realized it after I posted it. But for some reason I just didn’t want to change it and mess up the magic of the post because it is reaching so many parents and grandparents!
So I guess the song “Away in a Manger” is grammatically incorrect when we sing “looked down where He lay.”
Thank you! I am a mom of three little ones (ages 3 years, 1.5 years and 3.5 months). I work full time outside the home and often feel an incessant drive to do things and get things done, but I have been learning to slow down and embrace the moments. The dishes, laundry, email, etc. can wait. My kids are growing up so fast and I don’t want to miss this precious time.
Years ago, a friend with 5 kids had a framed poem about housework vs childcare. I only remember the last part,
“. . . dust bunnies go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby,
And babies don’t keep.”
Now raising our grandson (age 4), bedtime is one of my favorite parts of the day!
Aww I love that! <3
I love that poem. Here it is:
Babies Don’t Keep
Author: Ruth Hulburt Hamilton
Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.
Oh, I’ve grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren’t his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.
The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.
Thank you for sharing this ♥️
It’s the best thing at the end of a busy day, and I enjoy that almost every day. Not all mamas are this lucky, and I appreciate every day (and night snuggle) with my 3 year old ❤️ love to you’all mamas out there!
Yea I totally agree with this! Its hard to go against tradition or what people feel is best but you as a mother just know deep down what’s best for your kiddos. I recently quit caring about a super clean house I’ve allowed myself to get swept in the moments. Reading four or five books or chapters, praying make them feel so good before bed. And they love it❤️
I do this every night with my daughter I read her a story laying down with her. I wait until she falls asleep to go to bed. We have made it a routine and I wouldn’t change it for anything. She feels protected and safe before bed. I want her to remember these nights when she’s older.
Please use the proper word … should be lying down. Chickens LAY eggs, people LIE down.
I totally agree with what you’re saying except it should be lying and lie with your child. You lay something down but you yourself lie down.
My twin daughters are now 12. I STILL lay with them until they fall asleep, give that last hug and kiss for the day. The hardest part is letting go now when there are nights they don’t need me. We have the best laughs, conversations, secrets, dreams, goals, prayers are all discussed. I learn so much of and from them when we lay together. I have been laying down with them for probably the past 10 years probably 99% of their nights. Moms don’t stop. It is worth it!
Yes! 12 is a magical age, too. I love laying down with our older children. I don’t think they need whatever it is they need at night, any less now than they did when they were little. Maybe less often, but the need is not less. ❤️
This was such a lovely and very true post. Just last night I was blessed to have time to lay with my baby girl before she went to sleep. We laughed and joked around and shared deep conversation about life. It is something we’ve done since she was little, and it is a very special time.
Especially now that she is an adult. She is out on her own, has her own life in another state, and is just home for a short visit. But it’s still important, and she still expects it-I think it gives her the feel of her childhood-and it strengthens our bond. <3
I love to hear that Karen! You obviously instilled strong family values in your daughter – that she still wants those moments with her mom as an adult is a testament to the work you put in while she was growing up. <3
Hi,
I just wanted to mention that it should be “lying” and “lie,” not “laying” and “lay.” On another note, I was blessed that my parents stayed with me at night to soothe my fears and read a devotional with me until I fell asleep.
Hi Becca – I’ve had quite a few readers point out the “lie” vs. “lay” 🙂 I’ve left it as it was originally written because for some reason that seems to resonate with people – perhaps because it’s how a lot of us actually say it in real life (even though we know it’s incorrect LOL). It sounds like you have wonderful memories of those nighttime devotionals and quality time with your parents. That is exactly what I was hoping to communicate here and what I would love for my girls to remember too!
Yep. I always say lay down too. I know what’s correct, but I still say it my and I still lay down with my kids at night. I won’t quit until they are done. Precious times. Many times I fall asleep too. I get my work done early before the kids get up.
Do. Not. Do. This. With. An. Infant. Or. Any. Baby. SUIDS is no joke. Never bedshare. Cosleep is fine but do NOT EVER bedshare. Experts say why and do not dismiss why.
Hi Samantha – I’m not sure if you read the entire post, but it’s about lying with your kids before bed or while they fall asleep – talking, saying prayers, reading bedtime stories, etc. It’s not promoting co-sleeping with babies, as that is an entirely different topic altogether. Hope this helps put your mind at ease!
My daughter and her almost three-year-old daughter live with me. At naptime and bedtime my granddaughter sits in my lap in my easy chair in our living room and we read a book or watch TV. We both settle down and relax and enjoy the snuggle and cuddle time. I enjoy those relaxing times with her, I can relax and rest knowing she is safe and peaceful and knows she is loved and cared for. ＼(°o°)／
My kids are only 9 and 7 and they still love to sleep in mommy’s bed with me. Just this past weekend after coming home from my 7 year old sons grandparents from doing laundry over there as my kids and I walked into our apartment I hear my 9 year old daughter who normally loves her alone time (they share a room in our 2 bedroom apartment) ask mommy can I sleep with you tonight and there goes my son’s eyes lightening up brite saying yes mommy please both knew mommy was in pain from doing the laundry and that my siactic nerve was giving me problems but I said yes and we changed into pajamas and crawled into my bed.
Omg, stop with the grammar, evidently,
The points getting across. Laying, lying.
So glad you are perfect,
Feel bad for your child.
Who are the “experts”? Let me talk to them. I want to hear their argument. Children can never get enough love, touch, skin contact, intimacy. These things teach them about the most important things in life and all without saying a word.
Please, tell me who those experts are! They are highly educated, disocciated individuals. Don’t get me started!!!