Inside: A reminder to be kind, be compassionate, be thoughtful, and be gentle. We are all grieving on Mother’s Day, whether or not our pain is visible.
I barely remember the first Mother’s Day after my miscarriage.
It had only been a month since our loss and the pain was still raw. I think I spent the weekend hiding from the world and all the happy status updates on Facebook.
Instead of celebrating, on Mother’s Day I was grieving.
We’re All Grieving on Mother’s Day
Even now, with two healthy baby girls born since, Mother’s Day is still tinged with sadness.
As a stepmom, I’ll never have my entire family together on Mother’s Day.
So even though it’s a happy occasion, there is still something missing.
She might be hiding sadness behind her smile today
Mother’s Day is a very emotionally-charged holiday, perhaps even more so than Valentine’s Day. On Valentine’s Day we are all acutely aware of the singletons — as we’ve all been there at one point in our lives.
But on Mother’s Day many women suffer in silence, and we do not know the heartache they silently endure.
Because like I did on that painful day 6 years ago, so many women (and some men too) are hiding their pain from the world.
You might not know it, but she is grieving.
The mom that lost her baby in the womb.
Who wonders whether it would have been a boy or a girl. Who dreams of what their face would look like. And prays that she will finally meet her sweet child in heaven someday.
There are the children grieving the loss of their own mother.
They might be all grown up, they might have families of their own. But what they wouldn’t give for one more Mother’s Day with their own mom.
And the stepmothers.
The “bonus” moms who feel more like forgotten moms on this day. Who don’t get cards from the school because there is only time to make one card in class. Who never have their whole family together to celebrate as one.
Then there are the women who would give anything to become a mother.
But can’t. The unfairness is incomprehensible.
There are mothers who have lost children.
Who never dreamed that things would happen in the wrong order. That they would bury their child and not the other way around. How could this ever be a happy day again?
There are the children who are estranged.
Words, hurt feelings, anger. So much has happened and there is a gulf between them and the person that brought them into this world.
There are the mothers who are estranged.
Their children are still here, but yet they are gone. Perhaps it was a fight. Or perhaps drugs have taken priority over everything, and all a mother can do is wait and pray.
These are the stories that we don’t always see.
But they are happening.
On Mother’s Day, remember that we are all grieving
I didn’t set out to write a bitter blog post, but rather to encourage us all to show compassion for those that might be hiding sadness behind their smiles today.
And to be kind to yourself too.
It’s ok to feel sad, even if you think you’re “supposed” to feel happy.
Even when there ARE reasons to celebrate, this day can still trigger painful memories of years past that weren’t so joyful. Or maybe there is still a hole, a missing piece.
Mother’s Day IS a reason to celebrate.
But it is also a sad reminder for some of us.
Be kind to yourself mama.
You may be sad, but you are loved.
Your children may be gone, but you are still a mother.
Your mother may be gone, but you’re still her child.
You may not have your own child yet, but you have the spirit of motherhood in your heart.
You may be having a wonderful day, but there is just something missing. Or a little bit of sadness forcing its way through the cracks in your tough exterior.
And that’s ok.
We’re all there with you.
We’re all grieving too.