What would you do if you saw a child running away from their parent? Would you help? What one mom wants you to know about autism and wandering.
Have you ever read something that made you really question yourself?
This week I saw a Facebook post from my cousin about her autistic son, and his penchant for running. While reading her story, I wondered to myself,
What would I do if I saw a child running away in a store? Would I help? Or would I assume the parent had things under control?
Autism and wandering are not my first thoughts when I see what appears to be a misbehaving child in a store.
However after reading my cousin’s story, I’ll definitely look at things with new eyes.
And I hope you will too.
I asked my cousin permission to share, because I thought that there are probably others like me, who don’t know much about autism and wandering. But knowing could save lives. Or at least help another parent in the middle of a scary situation.
Autism and Wandering — What One Mom Wants You to Know
“There are many things that come with an autism diagnosis. I feel like we have been pretty fortunate with the things my son doesn’t do that seem to be typical for children on the spectrum.
One thing he does do is escape or run. When I talk to his therapists or teachers and I say “he’s a runner” they know exactly what I’m talking about.
It’s a big safety concern, especially places that have automatic doors. My son would easily run out of them and into a parking lot without even thinking about it.
Another fear of mine is water and drowning.
My son typically likes to run in big areas. Schools, grocery stores and malls. Today he was at the mall with my sisters and my mom. Usually I send him with his safety strap (or leash whatever you want to call it) but I forgot it this time.
My sister let go of his hand for just a second and he immediately took off…
She took off after him.
My son is so fast you can lose site of him so quickly. My sister said while she was chasing after my son she was shocked that nobody was helping stop him. They just laughed and thought it was an ornery boy running from his mom.
My sister is 7 months pregnant and no one helped her!
She ended up losing my son in the mall. I think she was afraid to tell me how long it was until they ended up finding him.
I forget how little people know about autism because I feel like my whole world is wrapped up in it. There have also been times where I literally had to leave my younger son in his stroller to chase my oldest son before he ran out an automatic door.
No one has ever helped.
They just stare and it blows my mind.
I just felt like I needed to say something — in case you’re ever in the situation where you could help.
Maybe next time don’t assume it’s just a bad child, maybe it’s something different.”
When you see a child running away from their parent:
Don’t assume that everything is ok or the parent has it under control.
And for goodness sake, don’t laugh!
While every running child might not be autistic, their parent might still appreciate an offer to help. We’ve all had moments where our children ran, hid, or acted up in public. Those moments are tough enough without stares and laughter.
You don’t have to be a hero, but you can be a helper.
Learn more about autism at the Autistic Self Advocacy Network.
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kassichapman says
Good to know Stacey! Thanks so much for the piece! I usually watch kids who are running because I don’t want them to get snatched up by someone!
Stacey aka the Soccer Mom says
It’s good to know that there are some mamas who are watching 🙂
Feisty Irish Wench says
YES! My neurotypical toddler runs off and nobody tries to stop him! I’ve even called out to grab him or stop him and nobody does. The other day, I was at the grocery store, in checkout lane by the exit, and he got out of the cart while I was paying for the food, and headed toward the door. People looked like they wanted to help but hesitated, out of fear that I’d yell at them for touching my child. I literally had to say “yes, please stop my child!”, followed by “it’s entirely sad that I even have to say that”.
This happens because some parents are refusing to allow the rest of the village to help them raise their children, and so as a result, most people are refusing to try offering help because of the nasty reactions parent have when someone attempts to stop their child from doing something unsafe.
Stacey aka the Soccer Mom says
I agree that the absence of “the village” makes things a little more difficult for parents these days. I’ll admit that I would be hesitant to grab someone else’s kid if I saw them running, which is why I wanted to share this. Thanks for commenting!
Franki Tollefson says
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” — Mister Rogers
Stacey aka the Soccer Mom says
I love this quote 🙂
Mildred Carroll says
I guess that’s the question…what IS the appropriate thing to do? I’m more than willing to help, but should I try to grab the child? Head him off at the end of an isle? Offer him something as a distraction? I’m sure it would depend on the age of the child, “catching” a toddler running by would be much easier than catching a teen-ager. And autistic kids vary so much in what they will tolerate… my son is on the spectrum as well, but not a runner, thank goodness. Still if a child is headed for the parking lot, it would be better to risk a tantrum than serious physical harm.
Stacey aka the Soccer Mom says
I think you made a very good point: “it would be better to risk a tantrum than serious physical harm.”
Melissa Mason says
As the Mama of a “runner” I understand. As someone training for my rbt, I can tell you , we are trained to not restrain a child. Its an arrestable offense . You are required to be certified in restraining every year. Perhaps people are afraid of the ramifications of grabbing someone’s child. However I’m with you, that it is scary when they run, and help would be nice.
Kimberly Erickson says
Hello! I have NEVER responded to a post on pinterest in the 15 yrs I’ve been a fan 😁. However my 6 yr old is autistic, and also a “runner” he has climbed out windows, over fences, through grocery stores and parking lots…and NOBODY offers a hand. And I too have a younger one that has been left in the house alone while I chase my 6 yr old down the street. Our neighbors are now aware, but in public..I’m just a “bad mom” or my kid is “out of control” I love the awareness the post brings and just wanted to thank you personally. Happy holidays!
Stacey aka the Soccer Mom says
Hi Kimberly — I am so happy that you liked the post! I am always a little nervous writing about sensitive topics, hoping that I get it right. But out of all the things I write about, supporting other moms is what means the most to me. <3 Thank you for letting me know your thoughts