What Your Doctor Won’t Tell You About Breastfeeding
I didn’t ask nearly enough questions about breastfeeding before my baby was born.
I assumed that since breastfeeding was natural, it would be easy. I couldn’t have been more wrong…
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The Truth About Breastfeeding (and what no one tells you)
The number one thing that most women (myself included) don’t realize beforehand: breastfeeding is tough, painful (sometimes excruciatingly so), and often discouraging.
However, breastfeeding does get better once you make it past those brutal first few weeks.
And sticking it out was the best decision I could have made!
Unfortunately, I see so many women get down on themselves and throw in the towel early. Often they carry guilt about “quitting,” wishing they had been able to breastfeed to whatever their original goal had been.
Before I go on, I just want to clarify that the purpose of this post is not to bash formula moms.
I’ll never know what it’s like to be in someone else’s place, so I’m not going to judge them for their decision on how and what to feed their baby.
However, since I breastfed my baby for over two years, I’m asked a lot of questions: what’s my “secret,” and what it “should” be like.
I wanted to share what I learned through months of trial and error in hopes that I can help others get the answers they didn’t know they needed before their baby arrived.
How I “Learned” to Breastfeed
First of all, I don’t think there’s truly a “right” way to breastfeed that works for everyone. It’s all about learning what works for you and your baby, and that takes time and practice.
In those early days, I had no clue what I was doing (and half the time no clue what was going on at all due to my post-surgery meds). I merely stared as the hospital’s lactation consultant pinched and shoved my breast in my baby’s mouth. That was about as comfortable as it sounds.
Throughout the next few weeks I suffered through upwards of twelve nursing sessions every day that sometimes stretched on for an hour at a time. My baby seemed insatiable, and to top it off, she often clawed at me, writhed in my arms, and screamed between gulps. My nipples were cracked and bleeding and she didn’t even seem to appreciate it!
Surely this wasn’t ok, this couldn’t be normal. Breastfeeding was supposed to be this wonderful bonding experience — it wasn’t supposed to HURT! Was I doing it wrong? Was my baby getting enough to eat?  Surely she had to be, since she was on my boob literally twelve hours a day, but I did have one doctor suggest that I supplement. My gut said no, and I pressed on, determined to make it work.
My mom suggested I reach out to one of my cousins for advice. I was a little nervous and ashamed to ask for help — I seemed to be failing big time and who wants to admit that? To my surprise, my cousin commiserated with my pain, and encouraged me to hang in there. She assured me that my body would get used to it, my baby would get better at it, and it wouldn’t hurt forever.
Related: How to find breastfeeding support near you
She was right. It took about three months, but one day I realized that it wasn’t painful anymore, at all. In fact, I kind of enjoyed nursing.
My baby was growing and thriving, and amazingly, she was a big baby (consistently 70th percentile).  That was a surprise, as both my husband and I are on the small side. My body alone was nourishing this little being, and was actually doing a darn good job at it! I was amazed and proud at the same time.
Pumping isn’t much fun, but it is do-able
Going back to work brought a new challenge: the dreaded pumping sessions. Twice a day I retreated to the third-floor (and not accessible to the public) bathroom where my supervisor had fixed up the handicapped stall for me with an armchair, table, and extension cord. The cleaning crew thoughtfully mopped almost every day, even though I was the only one using it.
Pumping took at least twenty minutes and was mind-numbingly boring. I would stay until I had replaced what I knew my baby was drinking while I was away.
Sometimes when I arrived home, to my despair, the baby had been extra hungry and dipped into a third bottle.  I then felt obligated to squeeze in a pump before bed to “catch up.” Every night I had to wash and sterilize all the pump parts and pack my bag for work the next morning. (I definitely recommend getting a spare set of parts— this is the set I bought to go with my Medela Pump-in-Style Advanced).
And so the cycle repeated until I left that job. It was an occasion worth celebrating when I putaway my pump for the last time.
Doctors don’t volunteer much information on breastfeeding—their primary goal is to get the baby out. From what I can tell, a lot of women are either too scared to ask or like me assume it will all be instinct. I didn’t even know there was such a thing as a lactation consultant until she stopped by to check on me a few hours after birth (thank goodness!)
Since I get asked, what’s my “secret,” I wanted to share a few things that I learned the hard way. Knowing these from the start would have eased my worries and let me know that I was doing ok. Hopefully they will help you too!
5 “Secrets” I had known about breastfeeding before my baby was born:
- Newborn stomachs are tiny, maybe they size of a marble, so it doesn’t take much milk to fill them up at this point (the “magic number” of 4 ounces doesn’t apply until much later.) However, new babies aren’t very efficient and can take thirty minutes to an hour to get those few drops out. That could understandably be frustrating, so don’t think you’re doing something wrong if your baby cries— a lot.
- Breast milk digests quickly, so when your baby cries an hour after you last fed them, they ARE hungry. This doesn’t mean that you’re not making enough milk, it just means that they’ve already used up the milk in their tummy and need more. Your baby will nurse at least 8-12 times a day (and night) at first. If your baby is making lots of pee diapers then they are getting plenty to eat.
- Breastfeeding can be painful, very much so, for the first few weeks. Remember, you have a ravenous little person sucking on a very sensitive area for hours upon hours a day. Lanolin is your friend—apply liberally after every session. It can stain, so wear loose clothes (and nothing expensive…just in case you were thinking about dressing up…ha!)
- You will have people suggest supplementing with formula. Remember that this is their opinion, and even a doctor is not necessarily an expert on breastfeeding. It is ultimately your choice, so don’t let anyone pressure you either way. When in doubt, look up a lactation consultant in your area. They can show you techniques that might help or reassure you that you’re doing just fine. It is worth the expense if it brings you peace of mind, and some insurances may cover the service.
- It will get better! It doesn’t seem possible—I didn’t believe it either, but breastfeeding DOES get easier, in fact, it can become enjoyable. My baby looks forward to nothing more than mommy’s milk, and I treasure these precious moments where she needs only me. I know that it will all be over too soon and I’ll probably miss it.
Related: 11 Ways to Increase Breastmilk Supply
You’ve GOT this mama!
I won’t kid you by saying it will be easy or that you will love it right away, but if breastfeeding is important to you, then you CAN do it. I’m so glad I stuck it out, through all the pain, exhaustion, and tears—though I definitely don’t miss those early struggles!
If you’re worried or feeling discouraged, there are lots of great resources available— two of the most well-known and respected are La Leche League International and Kelly Mom. La Leche League publishes a guide called The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding
and it is an excellent book on the subject.
Also, don’t be afraid to ask family and friends for help or advice! We’ve all been there, and all have different experiences to share. Sometimes it helps just to simply hear that someone else has gone through the same thing.
Whatever the outcome may be for you, whether your breastfeed for over a year or stop after 3 months (I’ve known friends who’ve done both), remember that you have accomplished a great thing. It’s no small feat to bring a baby into this world and it is equally amazing to provide (for any length of time) this perfect food your body created especially for them.
Please feel welcome to share your breastfeeding stories, advice, and encouragement in the comments below. Your words could help other mamas! You are also more than welcome to email me with any questions, as I’m happy to answer from my experience.
My Breastfeeding Essentials
These are some of the items that helped me reach my breastfeeding goals. Most of them are simple and inexpensive, but made my life so much easier!
- Lanolin to protect nipples
- Simple cloth diapers to protect clothes from spit-up, drool, etc. (I tucked them into my bra while she nursed)
- Extra set of pump parts (these are for the Medela Pump in Style Advanced, which worked very well for me)
- Extra set of Medela bottles (the only ones Annabelle would drink from)
- A good nursing bra (This one is so comfortable and even after over a year of use still is in amazing shape!)
- Steam Bags which allow you to quickly & easily sterilize pump & bottle parts and even pacifiers in the microwave (these were a lifesaver when I was working and pumping to keep breastfeeding!)
- Follow-up reading “The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding” by La Leche League
Check out my comprehensive guide to the Best Breastfeeding Products and Pumping Gear to learn more about what I used, why I used it, and where to get it!
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More from my breastfeeding experience:
- Pumping Breast Milk on the Job: How to Make it “Work”
- 5 Essential Weight Loss Tips for Breastfeeding Moms
- Where to Donate Breast Milk
- The Startling Breastfeeding Statistic You Need to Know
- How to Bond with Your Baby During Breastfeeding
Disclaimer: This post is based on my personal experiences– I am not a medical professional and this should not be taken as medical advice.
This post was originally published on April 19, 2015.
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Wow this is the best post/article I’ve ever read on the topic of breastfeeding! I can totally relate 100%. I joined a breastfeeding support group and that saved my sanity (and I made some great friends, too).
Thank you so much Dianna! It is a little intimidating at first when you share such a personal experience, because not everyone can relate. I’m so glad that you connected with this post — that was my hope in writing it 🙂 You’re right about the support group, whether it’s friends, an online group, etc. VERY helpful to find others where you can get ideas and encouragement.
I think it’s great you write about this. One thing though: breastfeeding should NOT hurt at all. When I had my son 8 years ago, it hurted so so bad. I thought it was part of it and had to accept it. So I did, for 7 months (that was when I stopped). My daughter is 2 months today, and it didn’t hurt a bit. I live in the Netherlands, where we get a nurse in the house to help with the newborn the first 8 days, and she told me it should not hurt. So, we tried, and she was right. Granted, my daughter drank for a very long time (still does, sometimes), but it shouldn’t hurt, not when her mouth is in the right position (lips outward). I think it is great that so many women breastfeed, even when it hurts. But as you said: it is one of the most natural things. And I don’t think that if it hurts so bad women would have done it for so many centuries.
That is wonderful that you get a nurse for the first 8 days– what a big help that would be! I’m amazed that you breastfed for 7 months in pain because you’re right, it shouldn’t continue to hurt for that long. Thank you for sharing Eva!
A tip for pumping at work. If you have a staff fridge or can set up your own to store that precious liquid gold at work. Ziplock bag your pump parts and place in the fridge. you wont need to wash in between sessions just at the end of each day.
Thanks for sharing Karyn! Great tips about pumping at work if you have access to a fridge. I didn’t, so I used a cooler to store my pumped milk until I got home and I had an extra set of pump parts.
Small comment here–The title of this excellent post includes “your doctor won’t tell you.” As a physician, I would like to point out that we can be your greatest ally in the sometimes tough breastfeeding battle. We know that breast is best. The data supports it. Many physicians are working moms juggling the same pumping, feeding, work-life balance as their patients, often without the support of their coworkers or hospital (it’s a traditionally male dominated, hard-core culture). In addition to finding a quality lactation consultant, I would urge readers to discuss their breastfeeding concerns with their physicians. We have access to some strategies others don’t (e.g., prescription galactogogues). We can help fight unfair workplace policies and fill out the necessary paperwork to support breastfeeding mothers. I would also suggest a new title for this article. I’m sure you can find one that sounds interesting, but doesn’t imply that physicians have some secret agenda against breastfeeding.
Hi Emilie, I definitely didn’t mean the title to offend, it is simply based on my own personal experience (and that of those close to me who had similar stories). Fortunately, my midwife is very pro-breastfeeding (one of the reasons I chose her over my previous healthcare facility). However, I have heard some incredibly ignorant things from friends that they were told (or not told) by their own doctors. I agree, that new moms should have an open dialogue with their physicians, but I also wanted to let them know that if they have any doubts or feel like they want a second opinion, there are many other valuable sources of breastfeeding information. Thank you for reading and for sharing– I wish doctors like you were the norm! 🙂
I found this very encouraging – thank you! I only disagree with your advice about not listening to your pediatrician if supplementing with formula is necessary. I had a c-section and my baby had all kinds of problems early on. So while they helped me get my milk in and my baby was steadily losing way too much weight, formula sustained him. I’m solely breastfeeding now, and really glad to be, but very disappointed that you would advise others not to listen to their medical professional.
Hi Lauren, thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts! This post based on my own personal experience, and in my case, the doctor that suggested I supplement did so blindly. It was the first time she had ever met me or my baby — she was wrong and my mommy instinct knew it, so I got a second opinion. From talking to friends and other readers, I know I’m not the only one who had doubts about being told to supplement when their baby was doing well already. I also know there are cases where formula is absolutely necessary and I would never try to make anyone feel badly for feeding their baby, however they do so. My hope was that this post would encourage others who might worry that “they must be the only ones” to have trouble early on (which is how I felt at first.) My suggestion about supplementing was to seek other professional advice if you have worries or doubts about what one doctor might have said that didn’t sit well with you. I’m glad you found the rest encouraging though 🙂
My LO just weaned at nearly 27 months. It’s been emotional for both of us, but we’re having another baby in a few months and “dry” nursing now is very reminiscent of those first few weeks with a newborn you speak about. I’m just not up to it, but very content with the run we had and bond we now share.
I was very lucky in finding my Pediatrician. I took Little Man in hysterical at about 5 days old convinced he was jaundiced and dehydrated from my milk not having come in yet. Our Dr checked him out and assured me that there was NO reason to supplement unless we went 2-3 more days before it did. Had it not been for his reassurance I would have started supplementing. I very much disliked the lactation consultant at the hospital who told me breastfeeding my newborn for 45 minutes was fine “if you want to be a human pacifier”. No way I would call or trust her.
For me, things became immensely more comfortable once that milk arrived. After returning to work I successfully pumped for the first year. I ONLY left enough milk at daycare each day to cover scheduled feedings. It’s important to keep to 4oz or less bottle sizes as most women have more trouble with pump response as they close in on a year. Otherwise it’s easy to get discouraged.
Our Pediatrician’s office has an IBCLC on staff and is immensely supportive and knowledgeable about breastfeeding. My recommendation is to talk to friends and family, search the Dr’s name on social media, talk to them etc. before baby is born to get a feel for their knowledge and support level. It is SO much easier working with a Dr who shares your philosophy on both breastfeeding and approach to medication, etc. It’s hard sometimes to make thoughtful decisions when you are emotional about your child’s comfort, so it’s important to feel you can depend upon their guidance.
These are wonderful tips Crystal! I’m so glad that you found a pediatrician that was supportive and helped you get through those first few days which can be scary as a new mom. 27 months is amazing! We are at 19 months, which is longer than I expected, but “mommy time” is a special thing that obviously means to much to her. I’m not sure how long we will go, but I know I will miss it 🙂 Thank you for sharing with us!
I admire you very much for “no judgement” either way. This is the most honest and comprehensive blog I’ve seen on this subject! Bravo!
Thank you so much Patty! Breastfeeding discussion can bring out very strong emotions, but I wanted share my own personal experience in case there were other moms going through the same thing.
Having been trained to be a certified lactation counselor, I’m an RN, and I’m currently exclusively breastfeeding my 5 month old son I have a few comments. First off, breastfeeding should NEVER be painful. If it is painful your baby’s latch needs to be monitored and adjusted. Contact your local lactation department. Secondly, lanolin is the leading brand for causing bacterial infections. If your baby has a correct latch you should have no need for lanolin. If you’re pumping, the flanges may need to be adjusted to the proper size. Thirdly, pacifiers are vectors and are associated with your child getting sick with illnesses including diarrhea and pneumonia.
Everyone needs to do their research and not listen to aunt Kathy’s advice who has no medical training or children of their own.
Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts– I’m always glad to hear from lactation counselors! I absolutely agree that everyone should research and reach out to those who are trained to help achieve breastfeeding success. One of the reasons I wrote this was for moms to know that not all doctors fall into the category of breastfeeding expert, or even supporter, and to get a second opinion if they have any doubts. I can only write from my own personal experience, and I wanted to share the struggles I went through, as well as what worked for me. Fortunately, we never had any problems with pacifiers. My little one loved hers, but wasn’t addicted to it and suffered no health issues (we sterilized frequently and replaced them when they showed any sign of wear). She was over them on her own at 6 months. Thank you again for taking the time to read and comment!
I appreciate you sharing your experience. I breastfed all three of my children exclusively, each one for over a year. People seem to think this an impossible feat and are shocked to hear I never bottle fed any of my babies. I was lucky enough to stay home with my babies. All you Mommas that have to pump I admire your dedication. To those struggling, hang in there! It’s possible and the bonding experience with your child is like nothing else.
Thanks for sharing Susan! 🙂
I breast fed my son for 3 weeks before my milk ran dry. The day it ran to I cried for hours because I felt like I had failed as a mother. I never want anyone else to feel like that so I just want to say it is OK not to meet your goal. No matter the reason you can’t make it it is ok!
Of course, I would never want anyone to feel badly about the length of time they breastfeed (or don’t). I’ve known friends who did it for 2+ years and some who did it for 2 months. They are all still fabulous moms!