What Your Doctor Won’t Tell You About Breastfeeding
I didn’t ask nearly enough questions about breastfeeding before my baby was born.
I assumed that since breastfeeding was natural, it would be easy. I couldn’t have been more wrong…
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The Truth About Breastfeeding (and what no one tells you)
The number one thing that most women (myself included) don’t realize beforehand: breastfeeding is tough, painful (sometimes excruciatingly so), and often discouraging.
However, breastfeeding does get better once you make it past those brutal first few weeks.
And sticking it out was the best decision I could have made!
Unfortunately, I see so many women get down on themselves and throw in the towel early. Often they carry guilt about “quitting,” wishing they had been able to breastfeed to whatever their original goal had been.
Before I go on, I just want to clarify that the purpose of this post is not to bash formula moms.
I’ll never know what it’s like to be in someone else’s place, so I’m not going to judge them for their decision on how and what to feed their baby.
However, since I breastfed my baby for over two years, I’m asked a lot of questions: what’s my “secret,” and what it “should” be like.
I wanted to share what I learned through months of trial and error in hopes that I can help others get the answers they didn’t know they needed before their baby arrived.
How I “Learned” to Breastfeed
First of all, I don’t think there’s truly a “right” way to breastfeed that works for everyone. It’s all about learning what works for you and your baby, and that takes time and practice.
In those early days, I had no clue what I was doing (and half the time no clue what was going on at all due to my post-surgery meds). I merely stared as the hospital’s lactation consultant pinched and shoved my breast in my baby’s mouth. That was about as comfortable as it sounds.
Throughout the next few weeks I suffered through upwards of twelve nursing sessions every day that sometimes stretched on for an hour at a time. My baby seemed insatiable, and to top it off, she often clawed at me, writhed in my arms, and screamed between gulps. My nipples were cracked and bleeding and she didn’t even seem to appreciate it!
Surely this wasn’t ok, this couldn’t be normal. Breastfeeding was supposed to be this wonderful bonding experience — it wasn’t supposed to HURT! Was I doing it wrong? Was my baby getting enough to eat?  Surely she had to be, since she was on my boob literally twelve hours a day, but I did have one doctor suggest that I supplement. My gut said no, and I pressed on, determined to make it work.
My mom suggested I reach out to one of my cousins for advice. I was a little nervous and ashamed to ask for help — I seemed to be failing big time and who wants to admit that? To my surprise, my cousin commiserated with my pain, and encouraged me to hang in there. She assured me that my body would get used to it, my baby would get better at it, and it wouldn’t hurt forever.
Related: How to find breastfeeding support near you
She was right. It took about three months, but one day I realized that it wasn’t painful anymore, at all. In fact, I kind of enjoyed nursing.
My baby was growing and thriving, and amazingly, she was a big baby (consistently 70th percentile).  That was a surprise, as both my husband and I are on the small side. My body alone was nourishing this little being, and was actually doing a darn good job at it! I was amazed and proud at the same time.
Pumping isn’t much fun, but it is do-able
Going back to work brought a new challenge: the dreaded pumping sessions. Twice a day I retreated to the third-floor (and not accessible to the public) bathroom where my supervisor had fixed up the handicapped stall for me with an armchair, table, and extension cord. The cleaning crew thoughtfully mopped almost every day, even though I was the only one using it.
Pumping took at least twenty minutes and was mind-numbingly boring. I would stay until I had replaced what I knew my baby was drinking while I was away.
Sometimes when I arrived home, to my despair, the baby had been extra hungry and dipped into a third bottle.  I then felt obligated to squeeze in a pump before bed to “catch up.” Every night I had to wash and sterilize all the pump parts and pack my bag for work the next morning. (I definitely recommend getting a spare set of parts— this is the set I bought to go with my Medela Pump-in-Style Advanced).
And so the cycle repeated until I left that job. It was an occasion worth celebrating when I putaway my pump for the last time.
Doctors don’t volunteer much information on breastfeeding—their primary goal is to get the baby out. From what I can tell, a lot of women are either too scared to ask or like me assume it will all be instinct. I didn’t even know there was such a thing as a lactation consultant until she stopped by to check on me a few hours after birth (thank goodness!)
Since I get asked, what’s my “secret,” I wanted to share a few things that I learned the hard way. Knowing these from the start would have eased my worries and let me know that I was doing ok. Hopefully they will help you too!
5 “Secrets” I had known about breastfeeding before my baby was born:
- Newborn stomachs are tiny, maybe they size of a marble, so it doesn’t take much milk to fill them up at this point (the “magic number” of 4 ounces doesn’t apply until much later.) However, new babies aren’t very efficient and can take thirty minutes to an hour to get those few drops out. That could understandably be frustrating, so don’t think you’re doing something wrong if your baby cries— a lot.
- Breast milk digests quickly, so when your baby cries an hour after you last fed them, they ARE hungry. This doesn’t mean that you’re not making enough milk, it just means that they’ve already used up the milk in their tummy and need more. Your baby will nurse at least 8-12 times a day (and night) at first. If your baby is making lots of pee diapers then they are getting plenty to eat.
- Breastfeeding can be painful, very much so, for the first few weeks. Remember, you have a ravenous little person sucking on a very sensitive area for hours upon hours a day. Lanolin is your friend—apply liberally after every session. It can stain, so wear loose clothes (and nothing expensive…just in case you were thinking about dressing up…ha!)
- You will have people suggest supplementing with formula. Remember that this is their opinion, and even a doctor is not necessarily an expert on breastfeeding. It is ultimately your choice, so don’t let anyone pressure you either way. When in doubt, look up a lactation consultant in your area. They can show you techniques that might help or reassure you that you’re doing just fine. It is worth the expense if it brings you peace of mind, and some insurances may cover the service.
- It will get better! It doesn’t seem possible—I didn’t believe it either, but breastfeeding DOES get easier, in fact, it can become enjoyable. My baby looks forward to nothing more than mommy’s milk, and I treasure these precious moments where she needs only me. I know that it will all be over too soon and I’ll probably miss it.
Related: 11 Ways to Increase Breastmilk Supply
You’ve GOT this mama!
I won’t kid you by saying it will be easy or that you will love it right away, but if breastfeeding is important to you, then you CAN do it. I’m so glad I stuck it out, through all the pain, exhaustion, and tears—though I definitely don’t miss those early struggles!
If you’re worried or feeling discouraged, there are lots of great resources available— two of the most well-known and respected are La Leche League International and Kelly Mom. La Leche League publishes a guide called The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding
and it is an excellent book on the subject.
Also, don’t be afraid to ask family and friends for help or advice! We’ve all been there, and all have different experiences to share. Sometimes it helps just to simply hear that someone else has gone through the same thing.
Whatever the outcome may be for you, whether your breastfeed for over a year or stop after 3 months (I’ve known friends who’ve done both), remember that you have accomplished a great thing. It’s no small feat to bring a baby into this world and it is equally amazing to provide (for any length of time) this perfect food your body created especially for them.
Please feel welcome to share your breastfeeding stories, advice, and encouragement in the comments below. Your words could help other mamas! You are also more than welcome to email me with any questions, as I’m happy to answer from my experience.
My Breastfeeding Essentials
These are some of the items that helped me reach my breastfeeding goals. Most of them are simple and inexpensive, but made my life so much easier!
- Lanolin to protect nipples
- Simple cloth diapers to protect clothes from spit-up, drool, etc. (I tucked them into my bra while she nursed)
- Extra set of pump parts (these are for the Medela Pump in Style Advanced, which worked very well for me)
- Extra set of Medela bottles (the only ones Annabelle would drink from)
- A good nursing bra (This one is so comfortable and even after over a year of use still is in amazing shape!)
- Steam Bags which allow you to quickly & easily sterilize pump & bottle parts and even pacifiers in the microwave (these were a lifesaver when I was working and pumping to keep breastfeeding!)
- Follow-up reading “The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding” by La Leche League
Check out my comprehensive guide to the Best Breastfeeding Products and Pumping Gear to learn more about what I used, why I used it, and where to get it!
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More from my breastfeeding experience:
- Pumping Breast Milk on the Job: How to Make it “Work”
- 5 Essential Weight Loss Tips for Breastfeeding Moms
- Where to Donate Breast Milk
- The Startling Breastfeeding Statistic You Need to Know
- How to Bond with Your Baby During Breastfeeding
Disclaimer: This post is based on my personal experiences– I am not a medical professional and this should not be taken as medical advice.
This post was originally published on April 19, 2015.
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They also don’t tell you about flat/inverted nipples, tongue/lip ties that can make it all even harder if not impossible until dealt with. Breast shields can also be a great tool, but some hospital staff will insist your baby will not nurse properly due to nipple confusion if you use them for a while. For me it was better than quitting all together. I also had no idea that having a c-section could make your milk take longer to come in.
Good point about the breast shields. I was also discouraged from trying them (so I didn’t), but if it makes the difference in successful breastfeeding and giving up, then I’d say go for it! I’ve heard that about c-sections, though I have nothing to compare it to (I’ve only had a c-section so far). It took a couple days, but my midwife assured me that babies are designed to get by on colostrum and their own fat stores until your milk comes in.
Really? I doctor isn’t an expert? Insinuating mothers shouldn’t listen to their doctors. What irresponsible advice!
Hi LL, I’m not sure if you read the post or are basing your comment on the title alone. This piece is actually focused on encouraging new mothers through the early weeks of breastfeeding, which can be difficult.
Actually very few MDs have adequate (if any) training in the support of breastfeeding mothers. That is beginning to change but if you need expert breastfeeding support you need an IBCLC. If you’re very very lucky your doctor might also be an IBCLC. I know of a few!
Thanks for joining the conversation Lyn 🙂
Thank you for your honesty. I am currently nursing my 12 month old and we both have thrush. It is even more painful than those first weeks of nursing. Have you experienced that? We have tried the prescription for thrush but it isn’t seaming to get rid of it. I have used gentian violet on previous babies and it worked much better but stained and ruined everything the baby was wearing and my bras too. Have you a solution?
Hi Anjie, sorry to hear that you’re going through that! We never have had thrush, so I can’t speak from personal experience, but if you’ve gotten the prescription to treat the yeast, then you’re on the right track. From what I’ve read, it can take a couple weeks to clear up, especially if you both have it. I always keep a towel handy to dry off thoroughly when we’re done nursing, and that can help prevent future problems. Hang in there! (And check back with your doctor/pediatrician if it hasn’t gone away within a week or two)
This is exactly right! I wish that I would have read this before nursing my first baby! I was so worried I wasn’t doing something right! I hope lots of first time moms read this and find comfort and encouragement! Thanks for writing this.
I wish I would have read something like this too before I nursed my daughter 🙂 Thank you for letting me know you appreciated this post Heidi!
Thank you very much for sharing your story and tips. I had extremely frustrating and discouraging nursing experiences with both of my babies. My oldest refused to latch, ever, without a nipple shield and my youngest refused to latch at all for the first six weeks. Both experiences had a severe negative effect on my supply. I took numerous suppliments, avoided foods that could dry me up more, ate foods to help, tried medications, pumped after each session and again in between. You name it, I tried it. I had two different lactation consultants tell me that they have never seen anyone work as hard as I did to get my supply up and make nursing work. I had to suppliment with formula for both my girls along with breastfeeding. I nursed my oldest for 8 months before I finally dried up and my youngest decided she was done with me at 6 months. Sometimes, there really is nothing you can do. It still breaks my heart that I wasn’t able to nurse my babies (my supply never got above 2 oz at my best). I have had many people mention “breast is best” to me or make other little comments when I pull out the formula when they really don’t have the first clue of what I have done and how hard I tried. I’m praying with all my heart that the next time around will be different.
Hi Emily, thanks for reading and sharing! I’m sorry to hear that you had a disappointing experience and that anyone would feel entitled to comment on how you feed your baby (because you’re right, they don’t know what you’ve done and tried!) It really does sound like you did everything in your power, and you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself because you did provide what you were capable of for 6 months and 8 months. We all as moms have things that didn’t go the way we planned (for me, it was my childbirth experience), but we are all doing the best we can with what we have. I’ve known mamas that nursed for 3 months and some that nursed for 4 years, but the important thing is that they provided for their babies. I’ve also known mamas that struggled and stopped before they wanted to with their first baby and had a much more positive experience with their next. I’m hoping that you might as well!
Great article! Yes, a lactation consultant helps so much. My daughter didn’t latch properly at first and she knew it right away. The nurses were pretty clueless, they all tried to give me tips but I don’t think they were experienced (nipple shields are stupid). We got the hang of it by week 2 after my pass to drive after c-section, but that was the start of colic. It was a nightmare. I still nursed but she’d stop and start screaming which triggers more letdown of milk. The pump was my friend then, as my boobs were so full. Don’t let anyone guilt you into believing your milk is the cause of colic. Their bodies are developing & if you’re concerned go to the dr. 10 weeks later she was over the colic mostly (I went to work at 6 weeks and pumped). I found that it helped to look at her pictures and watch cartoons while away and pumping. I know the frustration of just having enough stored as while I was gone she went through my milk like diapers. Pumping after nursing helps. Your body will produce more if tthinks the baby is taking more. It was a major adjustment & I didn’t take the easy road. My advice though, if you’re too tired, call off…I was trying so hard to prove I could do it all & there were times I was so tired I didn’t remember driving. I weaned her after 6 months. That was difficult, she didn’t like any formula & the smell of it made me gag. I’d say I wished to nurse longer but I became pregnant with my son then. 🙂 p.s. before me, noone pumped at work. Now, I advocate this & if anyone needs help (or backup to go pump if we’re busy, I’m all over it!!)
Hi Amber! I love how you encourage and support your coworkers in their pumping– that would definitely make the experience so much easier! Thank you so much for sharing your story and advice, especially about colic, which we were fortunate not to deal with so it is not something I touched on in this post.
I managed to breastfeed only 2 and half months , when it just stopped although I had the teas and the pumping too. I still do not know why. Did anyone experience the same?
My daughter is two months old and I’ve been pumping since day 2 of her life and supplementing with formula since she was about 2 1/2 weeks. My pediatrician is really for breastfeeding and left the choice up to us. It ended up being our lactation consultant who recommend supplementing with formula because my daughter continued to drop weight, remained stagnant for a while and then gained very slowly while we supplemented with breastmilk only. Doctors like to see a baby up to their birth weight by 2 weeks old, my daughter reached it around 1 month. She was 6lbs 3oz at birth and two days ago (at exactly 8 weeks old) weighed in at 8lbs 6oz. She is only 2lbs heavier than she was at birth. At first we went in twice a week to weigh her and now once a week she is weighed when I see the lactation consultant. She is finally gaining weight consistently and we are starting to wean her off the formula.
I started producing colostrum almost 2 days after birth ( I pumped at first to encourage it), and my milk came in right on schedule. My daughter was pretty insatiable but had a hard time latching because of her maxillary frenum (it still gives her a little trouble but we’ve both learned to work around it), only one of my nipples bled at the beginning and healed up pretty fast with lanolin. We started supplementing pumped milk at about a week with a syringe type thing and then switched to a tube on our fingers and didnt do a bottle till 3 weeks. My daughter loves to sleep on and cuddle the boob. Ideally she would just live in front of it I think.
I was heavily against supplementing with formula and the only thing I wish a doctor had told me was that it didn’t mean my goal to exclusively breastfeed would become impossible.
I did a lot of researching about breastfeeding. The colostrum, the discomfort, bad latching, bleeding – none of it suprised me. The idea that my daughter could continually loose weight for 10 days while I breastfed did.
I have a very different view now. Personally, I had to give my daughter formula, so I’ve lost the ability to say she was always exclusively breastfeed. But because of the formula I’ve been able to enjoy breastfeeding and was able to relax about being unable meet her needs. Less stress = better milk production. Now I can slowly switch back to exclusively giving her breastmilk.
I LOVE your outlook on this Katherine! Thank you so much for sharing your story and your supplementing process to help your daughter gain weight and help you produce more milk in the long run. I really think this could be inspirational (and useful!) for other readers!
I feel like I could’ve written this post! I wish I could share it without all the passive aggressive remarks from mommy friends who weren’t able to breastfeed! I just hit a year with my baby last week and it was the most incredible feeling. It’s still hard a lot of time… Like today when my almost 25 lb baby was asleep, on he boob, with a blown out diaper – at Walt Disney world animal kingdom!!! It was a sight to see! Hahahaha! The only thing I’d add – the medela hands free pumping bra! That thing makes life (and pumping) much easier!!! Thank you for writing all of this! I really hope it helps some mommies to pull through! It’s so worth it.
Hi Casey! I bet that was something to see! (Or go through haha!) It does make me sad that there can be so much resentment among moms when comparing breastfeeding experiences. Having shared my story very publicly, I have gotten some not-so-nice responses from total strangers! However the overwhelming majority of readers are thankful to know that there are others out there who “get it” and have struggles too. It makes you feel much less alone when you’re still waiting for it to get easier. Thank you so much for letting me know you read and liked my post 🙂
Hi. I loved reading your experience. I am a 3rd time mom about to give birth in about 7 weeks. I am a stay at home mom now and plan on exclusively breastfeeding. I did try to bf my other 2 with not very good results.my first child about a month. My second child i only lasted about 4 days after leaving the hospital. I had similar experiene with severe pain and bleeding cracked nipples. I was uneducated on breastfeeding i thought it would be easy and natural but i would cry from the pain every time i fed. I also thought my baby was “always hungry” so i thought nothing was coming out. Discouraged i gave up. Now after reading many articles and blogs i see what i did wrong and what is actually just normal. I am more confident now and know alot more than i did before. Thank you for your post!
I’m glad you have found support and encouragement online and that you feel more confident this time around! If you find yourself struggling after your 3rd is born, don’t hesitate to reach out to myself or any of the resources I listed. It makes a world of difference to know that just because it’s hard, doesn’t mean you’re failing at breastfeeding.