What Your Doctor Won’t Tell You About Breastfeeding
I didn’t ask nearly enough questions about breastfeeding before my baby was born.
I assumed that since breastfeeding was natural, it would be easy. I couldn’t have been more wrong…
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The Truth About Breastfeeding (and what no one tells you)
The number one thing that most women (myself included) don’t realize beforehand: breastfeeding is tough, painful (sometimes excruciatingly so), and often discouraging.
However, breastfeeding does get better once you make it past those brutal first few weeks.
And sticking it out was the best decision I could have made!
Unfortunately, I see so many women get down on themselves and throw in the towel early. Often they carry guilt about “quitting,” wishing they had been able to breastfeed to whatever their original goal had been.
Before I go on, I just want to clarify that the purpose of this post is not to bash formula moms.
I’ll never know what it’s like to be in someone else’s place, so I’m not going to judge them for their decision on how and what to feed their baby.
However, since I breastfed my baby for over two years, I’m asked a lot of questions: what’s my “secret,” and what it “should” be like.
I wanted to share what I learned through months of trial and error in hopes that I can help others get the answers they didn’t know they needed before their baby arrived.
How I “Learned” to Breastfeed
First of all, I don’t think there’s truly a “right” way to breastfeed that works for everyone. It’s all about learning what works for you and your baby, and that takes time and practice.
In those early days, I had no clue what I was doing (and half the time no clue what was going on at all due to my post-surgery meds). I merely stared as the hospital’s lactation consultant pinched and shoved my breast in my baby’s mouth. That was about as comfortable as it sounds.
Throughout the next few weeks I suffered through upwards of twelve nursing sessions every day that sometimes stretched on for an hour at a time. My baby seemed insatiable, and to top it off, she often clawed at me, writhed in my arms, and screamed between gulps. My nipples were cracked and bleeding and she didn’t even seem to appreciate it!
Surely this wasn’t ok, this couldn’t be normal. Breastfeeding was supposed to be this wonderful bonding experience — it wasn’t supposed to HURT! Was I doing it wrong? Was my baby getting enough to eat?  Surely she had to be, since she was on my boob literally twelve hours a day, but I did have one doctor suggest that I supplement. My gut said no, and I pressed on, determined to make it work.
My mom suggested I reach out to one of my cousins for advice. I was a little nervous and ashamed to ask for help — I seemed to be failing big time and who wants to admit that? To my surprise, my cousin commiserated with my pain, and encouraged me to hang in there. She assured me that my body would get used to it, my baby would get better at it, and it wouldn’t hurt forever.
Related: How to find breastfeeding support near you
She was right. It took about three months, but one day I realized that it wasn’t painful anymore, at all. In fact, I kind of enjoyed nursing.
My baby was growing and thriving, and amazingly, she was a big baby (consistently 70th percentile).  That was a surprise, as both my husband and I are on the small side. My body alone was nourishing this little being, and was actually doing a darn good job at it! I was amazed and proud at the same time.
Pumping isn’t much fun, but it is do-able
Going back to work brought a new challenge: the dreaded pumping sessions. Twice a day I retreated to the third-floor (and not accessible to the public) bathroom where my supervisor had fixed up the handicapped stall for me with an armchair, table, and extension cord. The cleaning crew thoughtfully mopped almost every day, even though I was the only one using it.
Pumping took at least twenty minutes and was mind-numbingly boring. I would stay until I had replaced what I knew my baby was drinking while I was away.
Sometimes when I arrived home, to my despair, the baby had been extra hungry and dipped into a third bottle.  I then felt obligated to squeeze in a pump before bed to “catch up.” Every night I had to wash and sterilize all the pump parts and pack my bag for work the next morning. (I definitely recommend getting a spare set of parts— this is the set I bought to go with my Medela Pump-in-Style Advanced).
And so the cycle repeated until I left that job. It was an occasion worth celebrating when I putaway my pump for the last time.
Doctors don’t volunteer much information on breastfeeding—their primary goal is to get the baby out. From what I can tell, a lot of women are either too scared to ask or like me assume it will all be instinct. I didn’t even know there was such a thing as a lactation consultant until she stopped by to check on me a few hours after birth (thank goodness!)
Since I get asked, what’s my “secret,” I wanted to share a few things that I learned the hard way. Knowing these from the start would have eased my worries and let me know that I was doing ok. Hopefully they will help you too!
5 “Secrets” I had known about breastfeeding before my baby was born:
- Newborn stomachs are tiny, maybe they size of a marble, so it doesn’t take much milk to fill them up at this point (the “magic number” of 4 ounces doesn’t apply until much later.) However, new babies aren’t very efficient and can take thirty minutes to an hour to get those few drops out. That could understandably be frustrating, so don’t think you’re doing something wrong if your baby cries— a lot.
- Breast milk digests quickly, so when your baby cries an hour after you last fed them, they ARE hungry. This doesn’t mean that you’re not making enough milk, it just means that they’ve already used up the milk in their tummy and need more. Your baby will nurse at least 8-12 times a day (and night) at first. If your baby is making lots of pee diapers then they are getting plenty to eat.
- Breastfeeding can be painful, very much so, for the first few weeks. Remember, you have a ravenous little person sucking on a very sensitive area for hours upon hours a day. Lanolin is your friend—apply liberally after every session. It can stain, so wear loose clothes (and nothing expensive…just in case you were thinking about dressing up…ha!)
- You will have people suggest supplementing with formula. Remember that this is their opinion, and even a doctor is not necessarily an expert on breastfeeding. It is ultimately your choice, so don’t let anyone pressure you either way. When in doubt, look up a lactation consultant in your area. They can show you techniques that might help or reassure you that you’re doing just fine. It is worth the expense if it brings you peace of mind, and some insurances may cover the service.
- It will get better! It doesn’t seem possible—I didn’t believe it either, but breastfeeding DOES get easier, in fact, it can become enjoyable. My baby looks forward to nothing more than mommy’s milk, and I treasure these precious moments where she needs only me. I know that it will all be over too soon and I’ll probably miss it.
Related: 11 Ways to Increase Breastmilk Supply
You’ve GOT this mama!
I won’t kid you by saying it will be easy or that you will love it right away, but if breastfeeding is important to you, then you CAN do it. I’m so glad I stuck it out, through all the pain, exhaustion, and tears—though I definitely don’t miss those early struggles!
If you’re worried or feeling discouraged, there are lots of great resources available— two of the most well-known and respected are La Leche League International and Kelly Mom. La Leche League publishes a guide called The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding
and it is an excellent book on the subject.
Also, don’t be afraid to ask family and friends for help or advice! We’ve all been there, and all have different experiences to share. Sometimes it helps just to simply hear that someone else has gone through the same thing.
Whatever the outcome may be for you, whether your breastfeed for over a year or stop after 3 months (I’ve known friends who’ve done both), remember that you have accomplished a great thing. It’s no small feat to bring a baby into this world and it is equally amazing to provide (for any length of time) this perfect food your body created especially for them.
Please feel welcome to share your breastfeeding stories, advice, and encouragement in the comments below. Your words could help other mamas! You are also more than welcome to email me with any questions, as I’m happy to answer from my experience.
My Breastfeeding Essentials
These are some of the items that helped me reach my breastfeeding goals. Most of them are simple and inexpensive, but made my life so much easier!
- Lanolin to protect nipples
- Simple cloth diapers to protect clothes from spit-up, drool, etc. (I tucked them into my bra while she nursed)
- Extra set of pump parts (these are for the Medela Pump in Style Advanced, which worked very well for me)
- Extra set of Medela bottles (the only ones Annabelle would drink from)
- A good nursing bra (This one is so comfortable and even after over a year of use still is in amazing shape!)
- Steam Bags which allow you to quickly & easily sterilize pump & bottle parts and even pacifiers in the microwave (these were a lifesaver when I was working and pumping to keep breastfeeding!)
- Follow-up reading “The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding” by La Leche League
Check out my comprehensive guide to the Best Breastfeeding Products and Pumping Gear to learn more about what I used, why I used it, and where to get it!
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More from my breastfeeding experience:
- Pumping Breast Milk on the Job: How to Make it “Work”
- 5 Essential Weight Loss Tips for Breastfeeding Moms
- Where to Donate Breast Milk
- The Startling Breastfeeding Statistic You Need to Know
- How to Bond with Your Baby During Breastfeeding
Disclaimer: This post is based on my personal experiences– I am not a medical professional and this should not be taken as medical advice.
This post was originally published on April 19, 2015.
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Great article about sticking to it! My nipple were sore with all 5 of kids, sometimes bleeding. With my last one I got a plugged duct, thrush, and horrible painful feedings. I went to a lactation consultant 3 different times trying to figure out what was wrong. After 3 weeks of pure torture, my nipple healed and he was nursing like a champ. It is worth the battle, but no one tells you it can be!
That sounds a lot like us! There was no serious underlying issue, it just took time to get better at it!
You got lucky. We didn’t have a lacataion consultant till the next day so I got a nipple guard thrown at me by one of the nurses. I wasn’t shown how to use it and it was quite literally thrown at me (tossed, whatever). Then I was shamed by a very important family member who wanted me to stop and “just go to formula” so she could hold my daughter more…after three weeks of breastfeeding I succmed to the pressure. My daughter is almost 2 and I still haven’t gotten over it.
Athena, I’m so sorry to hear that you did not receive the support you needed. Unfortunately, I hear stories like this so often, and I know it must be hard to argue with family, especially when you are so exhausted and still recovering from birth. I hope that you will be able to let go of the guilt, because I’m sure you did the best you could in that situation.
The Dr will probably also tell you that you don’t make enough milk to scare you to supplement. That’s what happened with me and I got scared and did it and now my baby refuses the breast. Turns out I did make enough milk for him and would have probably been ok without formula given a little more time. I’ve tried and tried to get him back on the breast with no success so far.
I’m sorry to hear that was your experience, and unfortunately it seems like it happens to many new moms. Just because someone has the title of a doctor does necessarily mean they are knowledgeable about breastfeeding. One of my goals with this post was to let moms know that it is ok to get a second opinion, and if you really want to breastfeed successfully, it will help to have a doctor that supports you. Thank you for sharing your story!
I’m currently breastfeeding my 6th child. I have bf 5 of my 6 children. This was a must for me and my kids bc of severe milk allergies that I learned with my baby I didn’t breastfeed! ? I can’t even eat dairy nursing it’s so bad. I’ve only known nursing, so I’m out of tune bottle feeding lol. But to each their own bc we all have different lives. I can say, even now with my 3 month old and even in my past bf days there were plenty of days I wanted to wean and stop bf. It’s very demanding at times. It can be brutal in all honesty. But if I could ever offer anything, is to hang in there! The rewards outweigh the demanding, sleepless, homeless looking periods you will go through. I love nursing my babies, it truly was and is the most precious moments me and my children have shared!
Thank you so much for sharing Amy, and for your words of encouragement! The rewards definitely are worth the sacrifices we mamas make!
I wish someone had told me with my first that it was OK to top up with formula while waiting for your milk to come in during those first few days. My first experience at the hospital was horrible, the guilt I felt because my baby was crying and the pressure to pump and continue feeding with cracked nipples from the hospital staff was so stressful I succumbed to formula. My milk didn’t come in until I left the hospital. Once it came I never had any problems with my supply so with my 2 other babies I decided that I wasn’t going to let the hospital staff or anyone else pressure me to pump or make me feel guilty about not producing actual milk the minute baby was out. Yes, there was colostrum and I topped off with formula at the hospital but once my milk came in I breastfed my babies exclusively until they weaned themselves around 1 year of age (#3 is almost 3 months and going strong!) I hope someone finds my experience helpful.
Thank you for sharing Stephanie! As a new mom you can definitely feel the pressure from others to “get it right,” but I’m glad that you planned ahead to stick up for yourself with baby #2 and #3.
I am so glad I found this through Pinterest. My daughter and I are in our third week of nursing and I finally feel like we’ve got it together. So many times in the first days, I sat and cried with my husband trying to help me and I wondered why this wasn’t coming naturally. Your blog is refreshing to read in that it’s not preachy and gives me the motivation to keep on. I am setting short term goals, started with two weeks (that we exceeded) and now I’m going for two months. My ultimate goal is 12 months, but going back to work scares me. I’m saving this page for when I need to remind myself that everyone (or most everyone) struggles with the art of breastfeeding.
I’m so glad you found this and that it was what you needed to hear Jenn! I wrote what I wished I had known or found when I was in those early days 🙂
You know that it’s okay to supplement, right? My baby lost 11% of her birth weight which was scary. I felt like it was my fault. So we supplemented. I don’t regret it. At 2 months old, my baby weighed 12 lbs! Just remember, a FED baby is best. Not everyone is able to breastfeed.
Of course! Every mom/family has to do what is best for them! I wrote from my personal experience, and I haven’t used formula, so I can’t write from that perspective. However, I’ll never make a mom feel bad if that is how she feeds her baby, whether as a supplement to breastfeeding or as the sole source of nutrition. My goal is simply to encourage moms who want to breastfeed, but may be struggling or facing outside pressure to give it up.
I will just say that lanolin is not every mama’s friend. I am actually allergic to it and have heard of many others that are as well. I recommend Earth Mama Angel Baby nipple butter. It’s has Coco butter and coconut oil and some other things that are great for those who are allergic to lanolin. Amazon.com has it
Thanks for the tip Kim!
Hi Stacey, thanks for encouraging mothers to breastfeed. This is an exceptional post. One of the things we shout about and are outright against is the bathroom stall. That is soooo wrong. I am sorry you had to go through that. I believe you will have a better experience next time.
I noticed that you had cracked nipples and pain and bleeding. Tha is common in first-time breastfeeders who have not had adequate supervision and who do not have great experienced support. I am certain you know that by now. I am proud of you that you were able to go through it.
You are right with your title. Many physicians do not know enough about breastfeeding. That is a serious problem. another concern that we still have is the fact that lactation education is almost absent during the prenatal period. This is sad. When do we expect the mom-to-be to learn about what she is expected to do then?
I am one of the Pediatricians that instructs in the State of Georgia for the Georgia AAP/CDC initiative called Educating Physicians in the Community about breastfeeding. It is helping but we still have ways to go. Our primary care clinic, Omega Pediatrics in Roswell GA also offers breastfeeding support and remote guidance for mothers that can not get to their lactation consultant via telemedicne and evisits.
Thank you for sharing
As you say, everyone is different. I never breastfed my babies more frequently than every three hours. When they fell asleep at the breast, I would gently move my nipple around in their mouths to get them sucking again, so they would take a little more. I always fed about 10-15 minutes from one breast and at least five from the other, at each feeding. It taught them to take more every time they nursed and kept my nipples from getting as sore in the early days. Having a good latch helps with soreness, too, making sure your entire nipple and most of the areola is in their mouths. When they got to be slightly older, I stretched feedings to every four hours. This allowed me to nurse the baby and know I could leave the house for 3 hours at a time. The babies were used to taking a large feeding and didn’t cry for food in between. They would start to get noticeably hungry about the last 15 minutes and I always held them off so they came to the breast eager to fill up. They also took long naps because their stomachs were full. I made sure to put them down awake so they would be used to that and learn to go to sleep without my help. My sister fed on demand, so her babies became used to sort of topping off instead of settling in to take a full meal. Both her babies and mine gained weight equally. (I should add the caveat that I did have plenty of milk, which may have been a factor in how well this worked for me.) My babies weren’t ever able to empty both breasts until they were pretty old, so they definitely were able to get very full at each feeding. Anyway it was a good method for me and made things a bit easier as a breastfeeding mom. if milk supply us t a problem, it’s a good way to go.
Thank you for sharing Sue! These are excellent tips that may give some moms new ideas to try!