It’s Science: A Messy House is Actually a Sign of Intelligence and Creativity
Inside: Why we moms need to stop obsessing over whether or not our home is tidy – a messy house could be a sign of intelligence and creativity!
“Please ignore the mess!”
My friend waved her hand, gesturing to her living room that looked like…well…a regular living room.
“We’ve been so busy with holiday stuff that I just haven’t had a chance to…” she trailed off.
I looked around — this was my first time inside her house.
It wasn’t spotless. There was a blanket tossed over the armrest of the couch. There was a stack of mail on the table. A big dog trotted over, tail wagging and fur flying.
And in my head I did a little happy dance.
A Messy House is a REAL House
You see, when I step into another mom’s house and it isn’t messy I get suspicious.
How does she find time to clean every room every day? How is it possible that there are NO toys on the floor…anywhere? Does anyone even live here??
You might think that your messy house is an embarrassment.
Au contraire mama — I see your messy house and I feel at home. I know that someone lives here. I know that you, like me, are doing the best you can, and not always getting everything done.
You are my people.
There’s no fakery here. No putting on airs or pretending that you’re perfect.
I know that you’re going to keep it real with me.
And that is SO much more important to me than whether or not your house looks magazine perfect at all times.
My House Isn’t Messy – It’s Lived In
I suppose I should clarify that by messy I don’t mean dirty. I’m a stickler for making sure that food is put away at the end of the night and I vacuum at least once or twice a week.
But at any given time there will be toys scattered around the room, dishes in the sink, and laundry in a basket waiting to be folded.
And with three kids and a full-time career, I just have to be ok with that.
It took me a while to get here. To get to the place where I stopped worrying about what “people” might think if they saw my living room in its not-so-perfect state.
What “people” am I worrying about anyways??
The UPS guy?
My mother-in-law?
Those are the only people who might glimpse my living room on a day-to-day basis.
And while I do insist on cleaning up the dinner table and sweeping the kitchen floor every night, I’ve stopped obsessing over ordinary clutter.
Our house isn’t messy — it’s lived in.
Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do with your house?
Our Messy House is Full of Memories
Besides the fact that it’s literally not possible to have a perfect house with kids (pretty sure that’s a proven scientific fact), I don’t know if I even want to go all Konmari on everything.
Because that “mess” is full of memories.
The shag rug in the middle of our floor? The one that’s definitely seen better days? That rug is where our two youngest daughters learned to crawl.
The bookshelves in our living room are crammed with our favorite books and magazines — stuffed into every nook and cranny. There are candles, picture frames, photo albums, and kids crafts. Those bookshelves hold our memories, and I smile every time I glance up at them from the couch.
The dollhouse in the corner of our living room that’s filled to the brim with mismatched furniture, and every type of toy from My Little Ponies to Barbies — that dollhouse contains 25 years of imagination in its walls. My Grandpa built it for me as a little girl and it makes my heart burst to see my girls treasure it too.
Speaking of My Little Ponies, we have at least 50 of them. Those faded ponies with the ratty tails? Those are vintage y’all! Straight out of the 80’s! And the brightly colored ones with giant cartoon eyes, well those will be vintage too in about 20 years. And ALL of those ponies encourage my girls to let their imaginations run wild.
[convertkit form=4956161]
A Messy House is a Sign of Intelligence
Just in case you still need a little more convincing, there is quite a bit of evidence that shows a correlation between a messy house and intelligence. Some of the theories include:
- Complex thoughts and ideas monopolize most of the “brain power” of smart folks, leaving less energy for dealing with mundane tasks, like chores.
- Intelligent people aren’t concerned with what others think about them…or their house.
A lot of history’s most renowned geniuses, from Einstein to Mark Twain, are said to have kept a less-than-tidy abode.
Interestingly, I had the pleasure of attending a speech by Randi Zuckerberg — you might recognize the last name from her famous brother, but Randi is a super successful woman in her own right. She told a story about how shockingly messy and disorganized her brother Mark’s apartment was, and he is one of the most successful of this generation!
In fact, a 2013 study published in Psychology Today shows that a messy space encourages creativity and outside-the-box thinking. On the flip side, a clean and tidy environment makes people more likely to “play it safe” and avoid new ideas.
Your messy house means that you and your kids are smart, creative thinkers who are living life, and not just picking up after it.
So mama, stop worrying about the mess and start making memories.
Recommended reading:
Affiliate links provided for your convenience; disclosure policy available here.
Ready to become your happiest self??
Happy You, Happy Family: Find Your Personal Recipe for Happiness in the Chaos of Parenting Life by Kelly Holmes
Kelly is a friend and colleague whose work has changed the lives of countless families. Her new e-book shares the recipe to:
- Stop feeling overwhelmed. Get a handle on the swirling chaos of to-do items and appointments and “should”s in your head.
- Set yourself up for a happy day, every day. Find out the ingredients you need in your day in order to become your happiest self.
- Catch yourself before you lose your cool. Learn what to do when you lose your patience with a temper-taming toolkit of proven tools to get you back on track.
- Heal after the storm. For the days when you do lose your cool, you’ll get the exact steps to flush the bad mojo from your body and repair the relationship with your child (or your partner).
More of our most popular posts about motherhood:
Best News Ever: Coffee Drinkers Live Longer, Studies Show
When You Know This is Your Last Baby
Why You Don’t Need a Mom-cation to be a Happy Mom
- Easter Bunny Cinnamon Rolls - March 20, 2025
- Easter Peeps Fruit Kabobs - March 18, 2025
- Paper Plate Bunny Basket Craft - March 16, 2025
My “controlled chaos” makes my husband bananas… he finds mess anxiety-inducing, but I’m going to tell him it’s just because I’m so smart from now on! Ha!
Haha – I like that! Going to start calling our house “controlled chaos” too 😉
What r u teaching ur children? I had 3 kids under 4 and kept it neat. 50 of any one toy is ridiculous. Nothing smart or creative about a messy house.
Hi Judy – the My Little Ponies are a collection of my own ponies from childhood, my sister’s, and my daughters (I have 3). They were favorites of all of ours, which is why we collected them. My girls know how to pick up after themselves and our house isn’t dirty by any means. However, it’s not perfect either – and I’m ok with that. The goal of the post is to encourage other moms who might get down on themselves if their house isn’t absolutely spotless.
Thank you Judy.
It is pure laziness, and providing a shared shaming of clean mothers by the numerous filthy mothers who use anything possible to justify their lack of care for their surroundings. A clean, safe home is incredibly important.
You’ve missed the point. The article is not promoting a “filthy” or unsafe home, nor is it shaming anyone. We all have different situations – some moms have more time for housekeeping than others. I admire those with a magazine-ready home, but I’ll settle for clean and safe, which our home is.
Lmao
lazy, no sometimes its hard to get down to the tidying part and by no means is the environment of what my children li e i dirty or dangerous. when people say that so.e mums are lazy may e they should take a step back and think, what is their situation, has it an impact upon their daily chores, not every family home has it easy you know.
Priorities. That’s what you are teaching your children. More time with them less time worrying about how perfect everything must be. You teach them to be transparent and not fake.
What are you teaching your children?
Yeah, I am sorry but it actually shows laziness, lack of problem solving skills, and poor time management, and the inability to prioritize. Shaming clean people is ignorant. It is simply that some people find cleanliness more important to others.
While I cared for my premie alone, three pets, and took 10 college classes with approval from my school counselor I still kept my home clean. This meant that I prioritized some things over others and regardless of my extreme fatigue still took the time to provide my child with a clean, safe home. There were days I barely slept, days I had no time to shower but I still kept a clean home. It is always ready for a surprise visit and I keep it show ready. My son has learned to be clean as well.
There is nothing fake about not wanting to live in filth. Sorry.
Hi Bubbles, it sounds like you definitely made some sacrifices during that time. With a baby in the house and two other kids, plus running a full-time business, I completely relate to the days where showers are tough to squeeze in and sleep is non-existent. However, we are not “living in filth,” and that is not what the article is talking about. The point was to encourage moms who are struggling with all the things that life throws at them (which sounds like you understand), and are worried that their house isn’t perfect. None of us are perfect, and that is ok.
When my sister and I were young my mother always wanted us to go outside. We were never allowed to play in the house, to get our toys out or play with dolls because that created a mess. We couldn’t go in the kitchen after dinner, she had cleaned everything and no messes were allowed. I remember after I got married mother told me to come and get my things out of the attic that I wanted to keep. She had the Salvation Army coming to pick things up she no longer wanted. So I trudge over to mothers to go through things, half of my childhood toys were still in their boxes. Why? Because she wouldn’t let me play with them, someone might come over and see a mess. I made a decision right then that I didn’t care what kind of mess they made my kids were going to get to play with their things. After all it is their house too. You only have them for a short time then they are gone. Knock yourself out cleaning when your family has their own life, then you can invite the president for dinner. Oh but make sure he doesn’t drop his napkin on your sanitized floor. If you don’t want to deal with children and toys, my advice is ‘don’t have kids.’ I had 3 kids, went to college, worked, and then became a teacher. We had dinner together every night, had baths, clean clothes, homework done and all activities attended. Saturdays we did laundry, cleaned house and prepared for the next week. I don’t believe anyone came to my house and was put out because dolls were in a chair. If they did that was their problem, after all it was my house. I think the article had great advice, pick your battles in this busy life, your family comes first above all things. This is like the story in the bible about Mary was getting mad because everyone was listening to Jesus instead of helping her cook. And Jesus told her she was the one who missed out.
When I was young, I couldn’t participate in sports or dance, or fill in the blank here… because both of my parents worked full time and on opposite time shifts. On weekends, I had to go outside and play or to someone else’s house because that is when the house was deep cleaned after my basic chores were done. Now, I was not deprived of “things” but looking back, I didn’t get the attention that “later”, “tomorrow”, and “Not today” or “after I’m done” always promised. I vowed to be a more involved parent than what I knew growing up. So when laundry is clean but waiting in a basket to be put away for a couple of days, dinner plates from last night’s late dinner after practice are still in the sink the next day, or 3 weeks worth of my kids graded papers are still sitting on the coffee table to be filed away, I am STILL a GOOD mom! My children are clean, happy, healthy, have clean clothes, food to eat, and my house is clean; it’s just a little messy and unorganized.
My point is, my kids come first. If they have soccer practice or a game 4x week, I am there because not only am I a true soccer mom, but I coach BOTH of their teams with my husband. When that school project needs completing, I am in floor cutting paper with them. When homework is difficult, I am helping break it down to make it easier to understand. My husband and I both work full time jobs, I sometimes put in 60-70hrs a week. I see my kids 45 mins before school and if lucky 3hrs after school M-F and then Sat&Sun if they aren’t away at a friend’s house.
If I was making sure everything was spotless all the time, when would I have time to be “MOM?”
There is no shame to those who take the time to do more every day just as there is no shame to those who choose not to, but my mess does not = unclean, my mess = memories.
I love this and couldn’t agree more! 🙂
I agree with you wholeheartedly! My five kids are within eight years of each other and I admit that my being with them when they were young and also keeping myself sane with my creative efforts was my priority. It was never spotless or even tidy, but the dishes and the laundry got done and I made dinner every night. We were happy and I never felt like my friends couldn’t come over. My mess even made more people feel comfortable in my home (because theirs was the same) and they didn’t feel ashamed because I didn’t make a point of it. They were there to be with me, not judge my home. Those are the friends I love!
I see this being shared on social media by different moms. Most of them do that only to justify their pure laziness. No, it’s not their “brain power” and amazing creativity They are just lazy. They’d rather sit on the sofa scrolling social media while kids are in school, than get up and pick up the garbage and vacuum those floors. And deep inside they are so jealous of clean homes and sick and tired of tripping over their kids stuff and staring at piles of laundry every day. Clutter is mentally exhausting! So they need those little articles patting them on the back, telling them that those are “memories” and they are such great creative mamas. I don’t buy any of it. My home is clean but no reason to get suspicious: we DO live here, too and no, I don’t clean every room every day. WE, as a family, work together to keep our home clean. We pick up after ourselves and after we are done, we make our own memories in our clean home. My kids will remember clean table, always ready to eat at or to spread their paints and paper on. Clean floors, not sticky, always ready for a board game or a yoga session. They won’t remember tripping over random items. They wont remember searching for favorite clothing in piles of dirty rags on the floor. They will learn how to respect their belongings, how to take care of them, so they last for a long time and they won’t waste money replacing broken or lost items. They will learn to be proud of their homes. They won’t have rooms cluttered with toys, they will have modest amounts, because instead of spending money on their “wants” we put extra money aside in their savings accounts. So go ahead, make yourself feel better! Deep inside you’re just jealous and it’s showing!
Hi Suann – you’re right, I absolutely DID write this to encourage other moms not to sweat the small stuff. It sounds like your home is a wonderful, well-kept haven for your family, so I’m not sure why you’re worried about anyone else.
A sign of creativity. Or executive function issues. Or depression. Or laziness. It could mean any of a number of things. ?
I understand this post is a couple months old…. however…. I am finding it very interesting some of the replies dogging this blog post! Actually, sort of disturbing in a way. As women/mothers we serve ourselves and others better by lifting each other up. If you don’t like what this woman has to say…keep scrolling.? I am a single mom of two, with three animals living in a rural area and working more than full time running a pharmacy. When I was married I felt a tremendous amount of pressure to keep a “perfect” home. And guess what. My life has improved ten fold now that I spend more time and attention in my free time on my children and activities, rather than obsessing. Am I lazy? Hell no. I work nonstop and usually run off of 4-5 hours of sleep. Is my house filthy? No. Is it unorganized and cluttered at times? yes. Do my kids love me? yes. Would they rather watch me vacuum or go for a bike ride? The days are long and the years are short. Someday I will have the most spotless home on the block. Until then….. Kudos to you Stacey for: using writing as an outlet, and a source to encourage other mamas out there. Cheers.
Hi Heather – this is one of the kindest comments I’ve ever received! Seriously, you made my day!! You’re right…I’m sure your kids will look back and remember all the times you spent with them…not how much you vacuumed 😉 Thank you for lifting up your fellow mamas!
Hi Stacey,
I know you posted this earlier this year, but felt I had to respond. I have never ever posted a comment on a blog before (I’m a lurker, not an active participant, usually). This post was encouraging to me, and I wanted you to know that. I also wanted to let you know how much I loved reading your comments here, including to others who disagreed with you (or worse). Instead of lashing out at some of those individuals, you responded with kindness and positivity and so few people do that these days. As a mom who runs her own business, goes to bed around 3am and is up again at 7am, it was so nice to read this and know there are other moms out there who recognize that, rather than laziness, sometimes deep-cleaning the house is lower on the list of priorities than spending time with your kids and contributing to the household in other ways. So thank you for that.
Hi Caitlin, I am usually a lurker when I read blogs too – LOL! But I am so glad that you took the time to leave me a note…it made my day! Sometimes it feels like people only leave comments when they have a complaint, but it is a boost to my spirit when someone takes the time to say something kind. Have a great holiday!